Dick Cheney's Ping Pong Show

Bangkok still sort of sucks.

I just got back from the big city and have been exfoliating ever since. But if you're going to be in Bangkok its good to have a reason, because to show up without an agenda is to throw yourself into a potluck of possible debaucherous activities. Bangkok is a roulette table you are the ball, Satan the croupier, and Lady Luck is a pock-faced hooker in knee highs with a gift for ping pong.

I was there for a tattoo festival.

Hoping to get a story out of the event, billed as the 1st World Tattoo Arts Festival and Exhibition -- it's not the first, by the way, there are many like it -- I figured I'd find a story and at least hand out some of my new business cards: "Gabriel B. Z. Joselow; freelance writer, chiang mai."

The event was certainly interesting: reaching its climax when a bunch of conspicuously un-tattooed B-list celebrities paraded around on a stage and giggled and screamed as the leader of a Thai ska band asked the crowd "You guys like ska and reggae music? .... No? .... oh well!" And reaching its low point when the lights went off in the middle of the "Best Lady Tattoo" (as in tattoo of a lady not on a lady) leaving the twenty or so tattoo artists working at the time, without light.

My favorite tattoos in order:

#1 the Virgin Mary holding the hand of the Elephant God Ganesh
#2 a portrait of Leonardo DiVinci in which DiVinci's face is the face of the Taiwanese tattoo owner
#3 Electric pharaoh Slot Machine

The article turned out pretty well, although I didn't get to use my new favorite words: chthonic, mellifluous, or terraqueous even though I could have. We'll see if it gets bought.

For some reason, the neighborhood I stayed in had a lot of "Translation and Marriage License" shops: it was the wife market. I didn't get one. Meanwhile, to kill time at night, it was off to Sukumvit Road, which was once my favorite street in Bangkok. This is the street off of which the infamous Soi Cowboy resides -- the Reno, Nevada of Bangkok. It is a street with a lot of strip clubs and girly bars, and it is also lined with vendors selling knock-off goods. Interestingly, the vendors are all deaf-mutes and communicate to each other across the sidewalk with their hands. There is also a baby elephant that is paraded around on one particular corner -- I'd free him, but then I wouldn't know what to do with him.... feed him I guess.
As I was strolling around this particular night, a small, professorial, goat-like British man came up to me. He was wearing a t-shirt and shorts, but looked like he would have been more comfortable in tweed. In a slow and proper British accent he asked: "excuse me, could you tell me where I could find a go-go bar?" Pronouncing the "go" syllable slowly and securely as if he were trying to teach one how to say it. But hell, the guy asked an honest question and I didn't hesitated for a moment: "yeah, right down there, Soi 23 look for a street called Soi Cowboy, you'll find a ton of 'em." And he shuffled off towards "Bush Gardens" or "After School" any one of the themed go-go bars and probably had himself a good spot of tea and a handjob.

But once again, I am back in majestic Chiang Mai. The weather report in the newspaper had little icon of a man in a scarf and knit cap -- ie, cold -- and the temperature was 17-32 C (62-90 F) I hear it's snowing in DC and New York. Well, it's hot as Balzac here. Last night I went to my one regular bar to relax after stressing out over my tattoo story. My bargirl friends there welcomed me back from Bangkok by saying: "you look black" and "your haircut not handsome" and "where is your handsome friend?" and "why you so tired?" Good to be back.

I also read that Dick Cheney shot a 78 year old lawyer from Austin -- good for him.